Daily Missives

There are times when I’m looking for an answer and it doesn’t seem to come when I want it or it’s not the answer I want. Sometimes the answer is exactly what I get whether I like it or not. I don’t always get what I want but I always get what I need. I…

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Every day an alcoholic suffers and dies. Every day an alcoholic walks into their first AA meeting with their hair on-fire and their ass in their hands, trying to save it. Not everyone makes it. The ones that do are the messengers. The ones that don’t are the message. The ones who make it follow…

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It has become clear to me that the alcohol addiction is just a symptom of my alcoholism. With or without the alcohol, my problem starts inside of me – my thoughts, feelings, and actions. After the alcohol was removed, I was still stuck with myself. I had to change.  It’s like when a drunk horse-thief…

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When I was about 30 days without a drink I was told, “… You’re going to earn the right to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of the world with your head held high.”. At the time, I was just afraid that I would just wind up drunk. I had no idea what it meant. I…

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I remember hanging on with little hope. I had no idea how I would get through the day. I was told, “One day at a time – one moment at a time.” It worked. I realized that I can get through this moment if I look at only this moment – not the past nor…

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There was a time in my life where I truly believed I was hopeless – that my destiny was to suffer in sadness and misery until eventually I would just die. I thought that getting to that end as quickly as possible was the best choice for me. I did not know where or how…

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My greatest fear is that I forget how things used to be and how hard it was to get here. If I forget the pain and suffering, it is still waiting for me. I am not cured. If I forget the transformation that I had to go through, I will regress to the person I…

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There was a time when my life was spiraling downward, with each day worse than the last. Each day was made worse with the terrifying thought of tomorrow. I don’t live like that anymore, and my outlook on tomorrow is much better. I have faith that if I sincerely ask God for help living a…

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I did not stop drinking to please someone else, and I didn’t stay stopped for someone else. I stopped because alcohol no longer provided relief for me, yet I still needed it – even when I didn’t want it anymore. Alcohol and the internal turmoil it caused held power over me like nothing else could.…

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After all this time – getting sober, staying sober through all of the ups and downs of my life, watching my friends succeed, or fail, or die – and continuing to trudge through, I sometimes wonder if I should ease up. It’s easy to do. But then I remember that I only have today. Today…

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